The Pinkie Chronicles - "Burnt Frozen Roast"

The following story is true but may contain inaccuracies.

In the middle of the night, Scott awoke to a loud banging noise and went downstairs to investigate. Through a haze of smoke, Scott found Pinkie in the kitchen in his ski coat, excessively intoxicated, stabbing a large frozen roast with a butter knife as the roast sizzled on high in a frying pan. Hot oil from the frying pan splattered across the other three burners which were also glowing on high for reasons unknown. Pinkie's coat sleeve hovered only inches from the burners, his concentration focused on the difficult task of remaining standing, staying conscious, and stabbing a frozen, burning roast with a butter knife. Scott turned off the three elements that threatened to start Pinkie on fire and went back to bed.

The next morning Scott found Pinkie sprawled across the couch, still in his ski coat. The roast, still raw except for one charred side, lay on the coffee table, some of the charred meat picked away.

God bless Pinkie.

I want to create "The Pinkie Coat": well-insulated, reflective in headlights, fireproof, padded for safety, convertible into a sleeping bag, embedded with a homing device, with one pocket designed to hold beverages and another to use as an ashtray. Useful not just for drunken nights out but also as a shelter for homeless people.

The Casual Reporter encourages responsible living. Please don't drink and drive. And maybe think twice about cooking while intoxicated.